Tidbits - February 16, 2017

TIDBITS by RALPH SHEALY



WHY?

  Ever wonder why things suddenly stop working?
  My coffee pot at the office worked fine on Friday, but when I came in on  Monday morning, it had died.
  What happened between Friday and Monday that made it decide to give up the ghost? Do manufacturers put a chip in the mechanics that shut the machine down when it reaches a certain  point?
  Oh, I tried the old “unplug it for five minutes” deal. On some things that works. Coffee pots are not one of those things.
  I don’t know how long I’ve had the recently deceased coffee pot, but I know I used it at our old place and we’ve been here 19 months. I guess I got my $25 worth out of it.
  The price of coffee pots has not gone up, so I bought another basic “Mr. Coffee” Monday morning. Y’all remember when I wrote this, so I’ll know how long this one lasts.
  My Daddy would always write down the date he installed a new water heater, or as we all say, “hot water heater.” When I had to replace the last one he installed, I continued the tradition and got out my Sharpie and wrote the date.
  The water heater is sitting beside our chest-type freezer that is at least 62-years-old. The reason I know the age is it arrived about the same time as one of my siblings.
  I remember things like that by association..
  The other day I wore a shirt that I remembered wearing on my New York trip in 1996. I still wear the boots I bought for that trip on occasion, too.
  Unfortunately, I need to lose a fourth of me to wear the pants and sports coat I wore on the trip. I get reminded of that everyday and it’s not by association!

OLD GEEZER

  I love this. Rev. Bill Stone posted this joke on Facebook, so I stole it from him!
  An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. 
  He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr. Geezer’s clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000.”
  Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.  
  Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me ??”
  Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”
  Dr. Young: Aaagh !! — “This is Gasoline!”
  Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”
  Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
  Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
  Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
  Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t, — that is Gasoline!”  
  Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”
  Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
  Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see anything!!!!
  Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that, so, here’s your $1000 back.” (giving him a $10 bill)
  Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!”
  Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”  
  Moral of story — Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an “old Geezer”* Remember: Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to tick us off.

GOOD SHOW!

  I taped the Travel Channel’s “Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern” that featured Shealy’s BBQ the other night.
  Charles Baird came by our office a few months ago and told me he had been filmed for the program.
  A few days later, Debbie Shealy dropped by and I knew she worked at the Shealy’s counter. She said she, too, had been filmed.
  Neither Charles nor Debbie knew if their appearance would be in the final cutting.
  They both made it! Charles had a pretty good speaking part, while sitting at the table with the well known host.
  Also, appearing briefly were Jason and Colton Price and Doris Goff.
  I took some stills from the show and posted pictures of Charles, Jason, Debbie and Mrs. Doris on Facebook.
  Watching the program, you could tell Jason knew what was going on as he sat behind Charles and was facing the camera.
  When Mrs. Doris got to work at Long’s Wed. morning, her co-workers showed her the picture I posted.
  Not only did she not know she had been filmed for the program, she didn’t even know the program was being filmed at all!
  How about getting on national TV and you just thought you were at Shealy’s to eat lunch!

OLD MOVIES

  The other night while browsing I picked out an old musical from the 40’s called “Till The Clouds Roll By.”
  The promo said it was loosely based on the life of composer Jerome Kern, who wrote such classics as “Old Man River.”
  How could a biography be “loosely” based?
  As I often do when I watch old movies, I Googled it and found the answer.
  Jerome Kern, himself, said his life was so boring there was not enough interesting stuff to make a movie.
  So, the producers made up a whole segment of his life, involving a music arranger and his young daughter, who called Jerome, “Uncle Jerry.” The three even went on an adventure to London, where they saw an unnamed actress played by Angela Lansbury sing, “How’d You Like to Spoon with Me.”
  The reason that song stood out was 40 years later on “Murder She Wrote,” (which I watch practically every night still at 11:30, except when the Hallmark Channel plays Christmas movies for two months) J.B. Fletcher’s “twin” British cousin Maggie McGill sang “How’d You Like to Spoon with Me” in an episode. Now, I know the irony.
  Getting back to the fake story, the little girl grows up and comes to see “Uncle Jerry,” who  had been made older with some powder in his hair. The problem was ”Uncle Jerry:” looked younger than the grown up girl.
  So, back to Google. The actress who played the grown up girl was actually born in 1917, and the actor playing uncle Jerry, Robert Walker, was born in 1918.
  In one scene, the “girl” gets upset when an older, established star, played by Judy Garland, gets a song “Uncle Jerry” had written for her. Judy was actually five years younger than the “girl.”
  If all this was obvious to me in 2017, imagine how audiences felt in 1946.
  Jerome Kern, despite the false depiction of his life, was in on the early stages of the movie, but had the nerve to die while it was in production.
  This was one of those movies from the 1940’s when the studio threw every musical star it had on contract into a scene.
  The music was good, but it the movie was a mess.
  Oh, the “girl” also couldn’t sing, so they had her voice dubbed in four numbers.
  Why couldn’t they have cast a younger actress who could actually sing?
  That’s Hollywood for you.