Tidbits - February 22, 2018

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TIDBITS by RALPH SHEALY


MR. SIR

  If you’ve ever delivered a children’s sermon, you know it can be challenging at times.
  Through the years I learned never to ask the kids questions for a couple of reasons.
  Firstly,  many times they don’t answer, so you end up answering it yourself, so why ask?
  Secondly, you might get an answer you or their parents don’t what to hear.
  I remember 40 or so years ago, the  pastor asked a question, and a little boy gave a long, detailed answer about an argument his mother and father had recently.
  The mother slid under the pew and crawled out of the church in embarrassment.
  Sunday, some grandparents brought their visiting grandson to church, and he came up for my children’s sermon.
  Before I could get started he said, “Mr. Sir, what’s that plus sign on the door?,” referring to door between the vestibule and the sanctuary.
  “That’s a cross,” I said.
  “Well, who’s on it?” he asked.
  “That’s a whole another sermon,” I said.
  So, I started my children’s sermon and he kept asking questions, or making comments.
  “Mr. Sir, I like those windows. Mr. Sir, the paint is pretty.”
  He was so doggone cute, but I knew I couldn’t comment or I’d still be giving the sermon, so I talked over him.
  Finally, I finished and gave out Valentine’s treats to the kids.
  The congregation applauded.
  “Mr. Sir” appreciated it ... and deserved it. Haha

FORE

  Wayne Fulmer and Robert Vaughn were talking at church a couple of Sundays ago about the golf bargains they had gotten at Goodwill.
  I have never seen any golf deals at the Goodwills I’ve visited, but I decided check out the one of St. Andrews Road last Tuesday just to see if that store had gotten in anything good since the last time I was there.
  I walked to the golf club bin in the far back corner, and it, again, was filled with mostly junk.
  I did see an old wooden headed 7-wood for $1.75.
  I put it back and started walking out of the store.
  I was almost to the front when I said, “Heck, it’s only $1.75,” walked back to get the club.
  At the checkout the clerk asked to see my ID, so I could get the Tuesday senior citizen discount.
  With the discount, the club price dropped to $1.34!
  The club was made by Northwestern, which went out of business  in 2004, according to the internet. Maybe, it is a collectors item!
  When I came to work for the Keelers at The Standard-Sentinel  in 1976, I knew I would have to take up golf again since Marty, Joann, Chris and Joann’s dad Eulie Johnson were avid golfers.
   I had a set of Daddy’s hand-me-downs, but I decided to go all out and buy a complete set of clubs from J.C. Penney. I think the whole set cost less than $200.
  The woods in the set had metal heads, so I have not hit a wood made with a real wood head in over 40 years.
  When I got home, I started to put the wood in my dead club bin (clubs I no longer use), but I looked down and saw my bag of practice golf balls, dug out a couple and headed to the pasture to try out the club.
  I had not swung a club since the Gentry Tournament in October, so I took a few practice swings.
  Now it was time to hit the old club. I placed the ball on a clump of grass to tee it up, swung, raised my head, and dug up a 12-inch divot.
  The worm burner ball found its way into the pond.
  I realized then it was a mistake to only bring two beat-up golf balls to the pasture.
  I was bound and determined to keep my head down for the next shot.. I took a deep breath and swung.
  This ball went off the toe of the club, elevating to 12-inches off the ground, before it frightened two trees and dunked into the pond with a loud plop.
  I started to sacrifice the $1.34 7-wood to the parrot feather weed in the water, but I brought it back to the house to and put it in the dead club bin where it belongs.
  Did I mention I hate golf?

NBC-ya

  I’ve always watched “The Today Show” when I get up each morning, but during the Olympics I try out the other network shows.
  Since NBC televises the Olympics, all of the news programs are obligated to highlight the games and the performers.
  I jokingly put on Facebook last week, “I wonder if half the world blew up over night, would the Today Show open with, ‘Half the world blew up over night, but, first, Shaun White will go for the gold tonight in snowboarding.”
  All of the network news stars are in Korea, but the American Olympics athletes “ain’t” setting the snow and ice on fire.
  So, The Today Show is forced to feature “losers” most mornings.
  Figure skater Nathan Chen was the star of one morning show, after he was successful on six quads the night before.
  Problem was he fell on practically every jump the first round, and ended up finishing fifth overall, out of the medals, so it really didn’t that he hit six or a hundred.
  Monday morning, the male figure skater who finished 10th in his competition was featured.
  “Is anybody having more fun at the Olympics than you?” was Hoda’s lead question.
  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the Winter Olympics, but I have the luxury of turning down the volume and watching them on one TV, while I watch Netflix, Amazon Prime Video or Hulu on the other with the volume up.
  Soon, the games will be over, the other networks cans stop showing repeats, and NBC can start promoting the Summer Olympics in 2020.

NOT AGAIN....

  I made the joke about “The Today Show” giving primary coverage to the Olympics over a major world event, but a few days later, the program was forced to devote its opening to the tragic shooting in Florida.
  Like every newspaper person, I have written about all these shooting events that have become all to common.
  I wish I had a solution.
  I’m all for gun ownership, I own several, but I do not see the need for anyone to own an assault weapon.
  I, also, can’t see how the law allows an 18-year-old to buy an assault weapon, when he or she can’t legally buy a beer until they are 21.
  That said, I’ll repeat what I’ve always said. The problem is the shooter, not the gun.
  As many have said, when a person is killed by a dunk driver, you don’t blame the car.
  How many times did authorities have a chance to stop the teenager who committed this horrendous crime. How many red flags were missed?
  There were no red flags with the Las Vegas shooter, but he was the exception.
  Dylan Roof should not have been able to buy a good, but his previous conviction was overlooked. Shooters with mental problems have been able to get their hands on weapons.
  We have got to get this together. There should be a nationwide network that lists people who cannot buy guns, and it should be updated immediately.
  But you know, and I know, criminals are going to find ways to break the law. We can outlaw assault weapons, and the only segment of our society that will have them will be the criminal element.
  You ever heard of “Machine Gun Kelley” during Prohibition?
  When did things change?
  Shotguns hanging across the back window of a pick-up truck was a common sight on school parking lot when I was a teenager. Nobody thought anything of it.
  If a kid rode up with a gun is his pickup today, every law enforcement agency around would be called in, and they should be.
  I want all this to stop.